Another Post, Another Month Not Pregnant
Well, here we are. Another blog, another month without a pregnancy.
We had our frozen embryo transfer on December 7th. We had such good feelings about it. We felt all of the feels, love, and support from all of our friends and family. It really was a magical day. I was trying so hard just to be present in the whole day in all of the minutes.
We got to the surgical center and we were greeted with the best nurses. They were all so kind. Of course me being me. I apologized to them for having to be at work on a weekend. One of the nurses said to me that they choose to be there and that they enjoy the days that they get to help with the transfers. Seriously night and day difference compared to the experience I had when they retrieved my eggs.
They walked me back to the OR with Reo walking next to me. We went into the OR at 12:45 and we were out of there at 1:00. I remember laying on the table and thinking I just want to remember every little detail. I wanted to remember what song was playing. I wanted to feel all of the emotions going into this. Reo was sitting at my head through this whole thing. They put our embryo up on the screen in front of us. We got to see them load it into the pipette and hand it off to be transferred. I just kept thinking how grateful I was to have Reo in there with me.
So, that all took place like I said December 7th. We had to wait nine days to see if the embryo stuck. I went to Sheridan to get my blood work done on Monday the 16th. I felt so optimistic about this working. This is our time. We deserve a win, right? How wrong I was!
I saw the results before the clinic called me. I was mentally preparing for the worst news that we could get. We weren’t pregnant. All of this work for no reward. All of this money with nothing to show for it. Tons of heartbreak! Starting in the beginning with only having one embryo. Then being so optimistic in achieving a pregnancy through this and not achieving that.
I have gone through all of the excuses in my head. I’m a failure. Maybe the embryo wasn’t suitable for sustaining life. Tons of other things have been ping ponging around in my mind. I am finally at peace with what happened. Knowing that it just isn’t our time is the hardest thing that I have had to come to terms with.
I do need to add how amazing Reo has been through this. I say this in all of my blog posts but I am so thankful for him. He has kept my head up and my heart a little less broken. We decided that we don’t want to stop here and we can’t stop here. I have already gotten a consult scheduled with CNY Fertility in Colorado Springs. That consult is in February.
So as far as the blog. I may go off course and write about some ranch things. We have a lot of fun and interesting things happening here at the ranch.
Thank you guys so much for being invested in our journey. This isn’t the end. Its only the beginning of another journey that we get to take. We look forward to starting somewhere new and getting a new set of eyes on what is going on.
Love you guys,
Morgan
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